Adieu, Nanay.

See you in Heaven 

At some point in our lives, we must accept that we're gonna lose people along the way. May it be a break-up, growing apart, distance, or death. Death though is irreversible. And I feel like it's the hardest to accept amongst mentioned.

I have told you in my previous blog that my lola is sick or was sick. She's very much okay now. At least she's already at peace with God. As much as I still want to spend a little more time with her, I'm glad that she's not in pain now. It's gonna be sad, yes. I know It'll never be the same again. But that's just life. Easier said than done, I know. But I also know that things will be okay eventually. 

I actually didn't tell a lot of people about this. And I'm only writing this here because I don't think people would read up until this point. Except probably few. Anyways. I have told probably three friends max. Of course except my immediate family members because they knew about this before me. It's not that I don't want to tell. For some reason, I choose people who to tell about certain things and actually let them see my weakness. I don't pretend to be strong or whatever but you know, I have this notion that not a lot of people would understand so why bother mingling with their train of thoughts? 

message from lola :(

This is how I knew. September 17, around 3 pm, I kind of woke up all of a sudden and checked my phone. I saw that I got a missed call from my auntie back in the Philippines. Well it's not really unusual. I occasionally get a call from her here and there so I kind of ignored because I was still really sleepy that time. I thought of checking my phone again before going back to sleep and moments later, my mom called. Now my mom doesn't do that. She wouldn't really call me that time of the day because she would know I'm asleep. Now back to where it all started. My lola was constantly complaining about her back. She can walk, yes, but there's something different. Like, my mom told me she was told that it seems like my lola can't walk properly because of the pain. But then again, she was able to go to the hospital for it to get checked. She specifically told my mom not to let her get confined. Part of it is because my lola is worried about the money and stuff. I can't help but get really sad when I think about this. Like even before she started dialysis, she would always tell me how expensive it is and all that. And I think to myself, my lola shouldn't be thinking of anything else other than making herself comfortable so I really try my best to help. It makes me sad that she was still thinking of it until the end. The first day was okay, she was okay. She was able to talk and communicate. Second day of confinement, her doctors told my auntie that lola is getting worst. She couldn't communicate anymore. She slept a lot. All along my mom thought she would be able to go home with lola. But that night, we lost her. Mom said that lola's last words were "sakit", "gutom", and "uwi". Maybe lola knew she would be leaving us after all. It's okay lola. We understand. I'm so sorry you had to go through all the pain. But please understand and I know you do understand that we're only trying our best. But we get it lola, you want to rest na. 

My lola is the kindest person I know. When I was a child growing up, I sometimes get really annoyed by my little sisters. She would ALWAYS stand up for them. ALWAYS. She thought me to be nice to my sisters. She told me that they may be mean as of the moment but one day, they would remember my kindness so I should not be mean to them. Especially with Mika my sister. She was soooo mean as a kid so I was always pissed and constantly correcting her meanness. But then my lola will always be like, "KAYO DAPAT ANG MAGKAKAMPI". That grew with me and I've been telling my sisters the same every time they fight with each other and I hope they would remember. 

If I were to look at my lola's life, I think she served her purpose in this world well. She might not be here with us anymore but she will always be remembered in our hearts.